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How to save a mixed-orientation marriage

When one spouse in a marriage turns out to be as gay or bisexual, the consequences can be devastating, particularly if infidelity or children are involved. Many mixed-orientation marriages quickly fall apart; others attempt to make it work for a while before succumbing to divorce. However, a small, unsung minority make it work, although it is an uphill struggle. This article provides you with useful tips to follow in order to save a mixed-orientation marriage.

Be completely honest
Once the non-straight spouse has come out of the closet, he needs to be brutally honest with himself and his wife. If he's committed adultery, he must disclose the full truth as his wife has a right to make a decision based on the facts. In addition, he needs to ask himself whether he's fully committed to the marriage before proceeding. Find a solution
If both spouses agree to stay together after discovering the truth, the marriage relationship can't be expected to continue as if nothing happened. In those mixed-orientation marriages that work, the couples form either a closed loop relationship (an open marriage based on strict ground rules) or they remain monogamous. In any case, dishonesty at this point could seriously undermine any recent mutual understanding that the couple may have reached. Seek professional help
Many spouses who remain together are either too ashamed or too proud to talk about their situation to friends and family, which means that there is no outlet for their fears and frustrations. The best solution is to find a psychologist who specialises in mixed-orientation marriages and talk to him/her. No psychologist should ever question your choice; instead, they should be able to offer support and guidance. If you have children
If children are involved, any decision will be additionally painful. If the couple decides to divorce, they will have to be honest with their children at some point, depending on the age of the offspring. If they remain married, it will be difficult to hide the truth from them for too long. Fortunately, children are usually free of the prejudices of adults and as a result, are likely to be more accepting of the situation than you would expect them to be. Nonetheless, this is an issue that needs to be handled carefully.

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