“I feel unspeakably lonely. And I feel - drained. It is a blank state of mind and soul I cannot describe to you as I think it would not make any difference. Also it is a very private feeling I have - that of melting into a perpetual nervous breakdown. I am often questioning myself what I further want to do, who I further wish to be; which parts o

You have become the idea that I can't fathom. The idea that continuously crosses my brain but yet somehow I can't grasp it. You have become the reason I can't focus, the reason I don't sleep. You have become the reason teardrops have become so familiar to my face. The reason my chest collapses in pain from my heart hurting. You are that and so much

There are approximately 1,013,913 words in the English language but I could never string any of them together to explain how incredible I think you are.

Time. Time is such a strange construct. It never used to confuse me as much as it does nowadays. Tonight I was sitting on my couch and my mom said "now that it's been a couple months" I went to correct her on how absurdly wrong she was until I realized she was right. Which confused me so much. How is it possible that it's been a couple of months. I

I'm scared. I'm scared because I've already been on this planet without your exuberating soul for 154 days. I'm scared because as of tomorrow I will start my first year without you. 2016. Without my best friend. I'm scared because with January comes my birthday and my birthday always seemed to come with you in all of your surprising ways. I'm scare

As I lay on my floor curled up in a ball in ready to die. I can't take this anymore. The sadness has just become who i am it seems to be all I am anymore. It envelops me and I can't get away from it. I put too much of myself in people. I love too hard too fast too much. And it hurts so bad. I thought I had something special. Someone special. The on

Five months later and I've started to realize something. Through tragedy some friends grow closer and keep continuous support. Yet sadly some drift apart separate themselves from me. Leaving me lonelier than before.

How is it that my mom will dance around Kris's feelings and be so respectful and put so much thought into it yet with me there is nothing. I'm sorry did you forget that my best friend died too mom. Did you forget that I am dying inside too mom. Maybe I don't show it but that doesn't mean it's not going on inside me killing me everyday. So excuse me

I've come to the conclusion that I really am on my own. No matter the days that are spent surrounded by others be it family or friends, or the days I spend on my own. I am, all the time, by myself. Some people may contradict this idea by saying you're surrounded by your loved ones your family your close friends they love you they care about you. Wh

Fuck Anna. The person I've become. Sometimes I hate myself for it. One of those times is right now. To say planes give me anxiety is an understatement. Besides when the boys flew home a couple days after that week I've been able to control it, well enough that people can't really tell. But I'm so scared. Every time someone sets foot on a plane. Tha